Financial Planning for Couples: Love Money, Money Loves You
How to Put Finances Together Without the Drama
Money is a big source of stress in relationships. From spending to saving, financial discrepancies can create a wedge between even the most compatible couples. So when it comes to money, planning your finances together doesn’t just make for a good idea, it’s an essential. Whether you’re moving in, getting married or just planning for a long and prosperous future together, here’s how to combine your finances the smart, strategic way.
Begin With a Candid Conversation
Couples should have an honest conversation about money before merging accounts or creating budgets. This “talk” should include income, debt, spending habits, financial goals and even your attitudes toward money. Some grew up in families that struggled for money, others that had plenty of it. These incidents influence how we manage money once we grow up.
Talk about what money means to both of you: Is it freedom? Security? Power? Control? Then, with an understanding of what your partner values most, you can begin to make compromises. Don’t judge during this talk. Not to criticize, but to understand and to do what you can to plan accordingly.
Be Aware of Where You’re At Money Wise
It’s hard to plan together if you can’t both know where you are. Collate everything you have to form a full financial picture by obtaining:
Pay cut (paycheck, work on the side, passive income)
You can’t afford to pay your debts (student debt, credit card, car loan)
Assets (in terms of savings, retirement accounts or real estate)
Fixed and variable costs per month
Credit scores and reports
Having a certain level of knowledge of each other’s finances makes you better informed. For instance, having a lower-credit score partner could hinder you from getting a joint credit card or mortgage. Voters – and the rest of us – deserve full transparency at this stage to avoid any nasty surprises later.
Choose a Money Management System
There is no one size that fits all when it comes to managing money as a couple. You have three main options:
Fully Combined Finances
All income is deposited into joint accounts and all expenses are paid out of joint accounts. This is an effective solution if both members of the partnership are on the same page and share the same spending habits.
Partially Combined Finances
Each partner has their own accounts, but they also have a joint one for expenses and activities they enjoy doing together, such as vacations. This hybrid technique allows for both unity and autonomy.
Separate Finances
Each partner maintains his or her own cash, pays bills apportioned by some agreed-upon algorithm (like 50/50 or by income). This is commonly selected by couples who want to maintain an illusion of financial independence, or have disparate earnings.
Choose on what works best for your relationship. You can always adapt the approach as your hairlines shift with the tides of your lives.
Set Joint Financial Goals
After you’ve reached agreement about how to manage your money, the next step is establishing shared goals. This may include:
Paying off debt
Saving for a house
Creating an emergency fund
The destination for a wedding or honeymoon
Investing for retirement
Starting a family
Photo Agree on what comes first and the time frame. For instance, if you’d like to purchase a home in three years, figure out how much you’ll need to save each month to achieve that. Keep each other accountable and track your savings with budgeting tools or apps.
Establish a Combined Lifestyle Budget
There is a difference between budgeting as a couple and budgeting as individuals. You will have to negotiate and navigate personal desires versus collective aims.
Build a budget that includes:
Fixed costs (rent or mortgage, utilities, insurance)
Flexible spending (groceries, transportation, entertainment)
Personal allowances (cash for each to spend)
Savings and investments
And, of course, don’t forget to budget for fun — date nights, vacations, hobbies. To make the process sustainable and sane, allowing for pleasure in your budget is crucial.
Secure Your Future With the Right Set of Tools
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Consider:
Life Insurance: Extremely important if you have kids or a mortgage.
Health Insurance: Determine whose insurance coverage will benefit you more between the two of you — perhaps one partner’s plan is more quality or cost effective.
Estate Planning: Make wills and powers of attorney. This is important even if you’re not married.
Prenups or Cohabitation Agreements: Thought to be too money-hungry by many, these options can actually spell out financial liabilities and support for each partner in the unfortunate event that they break up.
It may be tough to talk about these tools, but they are important to ensure long-term peace of mind.
Tackle Debt as a Team
Debt can be the cause of a great deal of tension in relationships, particularly when one partner owes way more money than the other. Don’t let resentment build. Instead, find a plan to help each other through it.
Options include:
Commit to paying it off together (and particularly when it has the potential to impact both partners’ financial future)
Keeping independent debt, but chipping in supportively
Debt consolidation, or refinancing for lower rates
The little victories as you pay down balances. Assisting your spouse in getting out of debt builds both your financial foundation and your relationship.
Put Money Dates on the Calendar Regularly (sends a message)
Financial planning is not a one-and-done activity. Bookmark these URLs and check in frequently — monthly or quarterly — to:
Review spending and savings
Adjust budgets as needed
Talk about upcoming expenses or changes (job loss, raise, new goals)
Acknowledge milestones (like getting to a certain savings goal)
Money talks are relationship tune-ups. The more you talk, the less likely you are to be surprised down the line.
Respect for Diversities and Open Communication
It’s O.K. to have different money styles. One partner may be a spender, the other a saver. One might like to use credit cards and receive rewards from cards; the other avoids debt like most of us won’t with a 10-foot pole. And they need not be dealbreakers if you communicate and compromise.
Make room for everyone to be an individual — whether that’s a personal budget or solo investment account. If both partners respect the financial identity of the other, it does much to keep resentment at bay and to build trust.
When to Seek Help
If money discussions are causing tension, or if you are finding it difficult to agree on what to do with your finances, then seek out a financial planner or couples therapist. Professionals are able to help facilitate tough subjects as well as provide clear plans of action without all of the emotional baggage.
Search for certified financial planners (CFPs) who have worked with couples. Most now offer virtual sessions, meaning they’re easier to access than ever before.
Final Thoughts
Combining finances is a huge step in any relationship. It takes patience, and it takes honesty, and it takes commitment — but the rewards make it so worth it. Couples can create a strong financial future by looking ahead, communicating openly and setting common goals.
Money doesn’t have to be a battleground. Done well, it can be a means to help each partner grow, flourish and most of all to succeed together.
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